


Exact Translations

by DBSommer



Category: Bleach, 撲殺天使ドクロちゃん | Bokusatsu Tenshi Dokuro-chan | Bludgeoning Angel Dokuro-chan
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-03-03 08:22:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24467911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DBSommer/pseuds/DBSommer
Summary: Kenpachi tries to find a worthy opponent. Well, he finds someone.
Kudos: 1





	Exact Translations

Exact Translations

Standard disclaimer: I don't own any of the Bleach Characters or any from the series this is crossovered with.

Xxxxxxxxxxx

Kenpachi Zaraki surveyed the scene before him. 'The Band of Thirteen Invincible Killers' hadn't lived up to their name. 'The Band of Thirteen Guys that Bleed a Lot' would have been more appropriate considering how much they were bleeding. Well, had bled, as some of them first ones he had stabbed had run out of fluid by now. Residents in Rukongai began to poke their heads out of their homes now that the Band's headquarters had been destroyed and the bodies of the cutthroats lay among the rubble.

The captain sheathed his zanpakuto while Yachiru took up her usual place riding on his back. "That was quick," she said.

"And disappointing." A hint of irritation filled his voice. "Why can't I find someone that will last in a fight? Maybe I should track down Ichigo and see if he's improved enough to give me a real run for the money."

An elderly man, one that made Shigekuni himself look like a spring chicken, who was passing by stopped and said, "Well, young'un, if you're looking for a fight, you can always take on the Angel of Death. No one comes back alive from meeting that one."

"Oh?" Kenpachi's eyebrows shot up with interest. "Where can I find this 'Angel of Death'?

The old man scratched his head. "As I recall, you take the Trail of Death until you get to the Forest of Death. You go through that until you get to the Chasm of Death. After crossing that it leads straightaway to the Temple of Death where the Angel of Death awaits."

So much Death. Kenpachi was getting goosebumps from the idea. "Sounds good."

Yachiru pumped her fist in the air. "Yay! Road trip!" as the two set off.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Kenpachi arrived at the Temple of Death. He knew it was the Temple of Death because there was a sign at the entrance that identified it as such. It looked like any other temple, neither ornate nor sublime. That was a bit disappointing. Given the name, he had expected everything to be made of bones with fountains gushing blood, maybe even a throne made of skulls. Aki the Necromancer had a throne of skulls when Kenpachi fought him. He had even drawn blood on Kenpachi in the early going, though he still wasn't powerful enough to make him remove his eye patch.

In the middle of the yard, sweeping up errant leaves, was a young girl who appeared to be her mid-teens, dressed in a shrine maiden's outfit. There was a bluish-green tint to her hair, which was done up with two ponytails sticking out of the sides. Curiously, there was a halo hovering above her head.

Kenpachi said, "Excuse me." The girl looked up. "I'm looking for the Angel of Death."

The girl put her finger to her head in thought. "Well, that's not an exact translation, but I'm probably the one you're looking for."

Kenpachi sighed. He sensed no spiritual power whatsoever from the girl, which was actually odd. But still, had she any true level of power, he would be able to feel it from so close a distance. "This is very disappointing. Nothing attacked me on the Trail of Death or the Forest of Death."

"Actually mosquitoes did attack us in the forest. I have the bug bites to prove it." Yachiru rolled up her sleeve and showed several welts.

Kenpachi continued, "Even the Chasm of Death had a very nice, well constructed bridge. I was hoping for a demon, or even irate troll, guarding it that would provide me with some entertainment, but nothing. I don't know why any of those places have 'Death' attached to them."

"False advertising for sure," Yachiru agreed.

"I think they're only called that because they lead to the temple which is my home rather than a significant chance of dying along them," the girl said.

"How many people have you killed?" Kenpachi asked.

The girl considered that. "Does killing the same person over and over count as one, or do I count each time I kill them?"

Kenpachi cocked his head curiously. "Each time."

"Then I'd say an innumerable number of people!" she shouted in delight.

Kenpachi scowled. Anyone that reveled in dealing death the way she did, assuming she was telling the truth, could be dispatched without anyone fussing. He doubted she would provide much competition, but maybe she had a trick or two up her sleeve that would give him pause. He placed his hand on the hilt of the zanpakuto. "I'm going to fight you."

Yachiru leapt from his shoulder and landed on a nearby boulder for an ideal view of the fight.

The girl said, "Okay, but then I have to get back to my chores. You skip sweeping leaves one day, and then whole place looks like the bottom of a forest." She dropped her broom and launched herself at him.

Kenpachi had only drawn his zanpakuto halfway out of its scabbard when the girl's arm went behind her back. When it came out she was wielding a huge club, nearly as big as her, which a number of nasty spikes along its length.

His weapon had just cleared its sheathe when the girl swung at his head, shouting "Excaliborg!"

Yachiru watched in disbelief as Kenpachi's head exploded like a ripe melon. The body remained in the pose it had been in as blood began spraying out of the neck like a gory shower head.

In total shock, Yachiru said, "Y… you killed him."

The girl gave a cutsey smile, holding her club behind her back while the spray of blood covered her in a painting of crimson. "Of course. I could hardly be called the Beating to Death Angel of I couldn't beat people to death."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Pipiru piru piru pipiru pi!

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Shigekuni Yamamoto-Genryusai was in the main meeting chamber of the 13 Squads when Kenpachi walked in.

"How unusual to see you." The captain of the squads wondered if the large man spoiled for a fight.

Kenpachi grabbed his zanpakuto by the scabbard and handed it to Shigekuni. "I resign."

Even the old man, who had he had seen it all, was stunned. "Why?"

"I have finally met a foe I cannot best. And if I cannot be the best, there's no point in continuing to fight. Besides, having your head caved in hurts like a bitch."

"But what will you do?"

"I was thinking of becoming…a host."

It took Shigekuni a few seconds, no, minutes, to wrap his mind around that one. "Why?"

"Because chicks dig handsome guys like me." He then turned around and walked off, intent on starting his new career.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[End fic] Well, you have to admit, if anyone could whack Kenpachi, Dokuro-chan would do it. And for those who don't know Dokuro, Pipiru piru piru pipiru pi! Is how she resurrects the people she kills.


End file.
